No feedback please!
What to do if you don’t want to get feedback?
A short introduction to a No-Feedback mindset.
In our work we often hear from employees and superiors likewise how out-of-favor getting feedback feels and how unwelcome giving feedback is. Therefore many decided to keep their opinions for themselves. Normally in an article like this we would explain how important it is to have a honest feedback culture, we would underline that you can only grow and learn reviewing past actions.
While discussing the matter in a virtual team communication tools meeting we compiled this not so serious list of anti-advises.
Send mail after 5 p.m. and expect feedback until next day 10 a.m.
Giving a good feedback needs time. If time between receiving the notice for giving feedback and the deadline is shorter than the time it took you to produce the matter, you expect that your audience is remarkably good. Most likely far better than you are.
Being able to give a good feedback one needs enough time
Do not give enough information or context
You thought the topic through from all directions and occupied yourself a long time with it. You don’t want to describe everything again. You have it in your head. You see the solution clearly. Now just the others need to agree to it. That other people might come in contact with this matter for the first time, is not part of your imagination.
Being able to give a good feedback one needs to know
- what exactly is the problem/motivation
- what do you propose — explain it as simple as possible
- what difference will it make and to whom
Do only expect approval to your proposal, otherwise react offended
If you gave birth to a good idea, you can’t accept that others talk it down. It was a miracle! If you only once in a lifetime have a good idea, it is hard to cope with critique. There are so many pessimistic people out there and it is so easy to be against something instead to come up with something own.
Ask only for feedback if
- you’re willing to to deal with different opinions
- you’re able to shift your position and look at the matter from a different angle
Do only expect coherent opinions
If you ask 5 people you get 6 different opinions. This might bring you to believe that finding a shared comprehension is not possible and that you can only trust your own assessment. Many decisions are not black-or-white, there are lots of variations in between.
If you would have experienced that a good idea got even better after rethinking it, challenging it, adapting it, you might face other opinions better.
Reply to every feedback with ‘I know’
If you are a chess grand master and have evaluated every possible move and consequences and chosen the best option, you won’t need somebody to give you a feedback. If people challenge your choice with an alternative move, you should have ready the explanation what are the disadvantages/reasons against it. Verify that your evaluation was correct. A simple ‘I know. I thought about that. Next.’ will crush every ones motivation.
Real life, unfortunately, is rarely like chess. Consequences of ‘moves’ are not fully certain. We have to make assumptions. But different assumptions can change the ‘best path’ radically. In statistics, if more come to the same assessment the higher is the probability. But on the other hand a majority for a ‘path’ doesn’t make it the right one. Decisions with assumptions are never easy.
And the most important tip: ignore the feedback as soon as you got it
Asking people to give feedback raises the believe that you value their expertise, that you care about their opinions. To collect feedback and ignore it is a powerful ‘tool’ to demotivate people. If you aspire to have an alibi feedback culture where you ‘involve’ all in the decision process, but have your decision already made, do not expect to grow to a strong community.
To live a diversity of opinions in harmony is a challenge. It needs a constant effort from everybody.
